Male dominance and how to stop it



How Janet said it all at once in a therapy session

I think we women accept male dominance almost by genetic predisposition. They screw us and we accept it. Maybe “biology is destiny” after all. Not really!

It has more to do with us than them.

If we just listened, just once, to our instinct we’d know what to do. We have to re-learn to trust our instincts. We try to reason our instincts away because we don’t want to believe that they’re true. We tell ourselves “it can’t be true” even while we know deep down, it is very true…and real. “The building isn’t on fire because I’m in it. It can’t be on fire!” we say while standing in a burning building.

Do I listen to my instincts or do I listen to my husband argue me out of my mind?

When we finally speak up then he escalates his control. First he’s Donald Duck, then, if that doesn’t force us to walk on eggshells, he morphs into the Green Hulk: If verbal intimidation doesn’t work, try physical. Physical blustering will accomplish its nasty goal of quieting us into compliance…and, finally, withdrawal.

Other family members will take his side since she’s the one who changed and “caused all the problem.” “If she’d just quit it, take a pill, get her hormones straightened out or get on lithium,” then everything and everyone would be better off…except for her. And she’s supposed to sacrifice herself for others anyway. She’s “the glue that holds the family together”; she’s not supposed to “break the family apart.” They all resist the “new her” because she’s “acting out of character.” Then they try to push her back to where she was by words and, if necessary, by shunning.

Dump the guy and buy a motorcycle!

Tap into the strong woman within…the woman you once were. Remember who you used to be and can be again…only this time “even better with age.” Realize it’s okay to be afraid to try new things. Then you’ll be able to see how to overcome fear and get yourself to a point in your life you never could have even imagined. Every resurrection requires a death and accepting death is scary. Eddie Rickenbacker, the greatest of the WWI German fighter pilot aces said, “There’s no courage unless you’re scared.” Sure, you’re scared – fly anyway!

We talk ourselves out of our instincts. There is within us an independent woman trying to get out of her co-dependent life. We sacrifice, let things go, for the sake of others. We let others trump us. “Oh, it’s okay,” we say…when it’s not. But we don’t use our humor to say loudly, after a pregnant pause, “Oh, it’s okay…NOT!

Religion reinforces gender bias. Women were made out of man. A woman’s crooked because, like Eve, she came from a crooked rib. Pandora’s the one who opened the box and let all the horribles out to inflict the world. She should have keep the closed box closed but, oh no, she had to open the box. Why couldn’t she have left well enough alone? Anyway, who the hell did she think she was, to do that! Don’t let stuff like that see the light of day – keep it boxed up and in the dark.

We’ll escape and attract the same kind of guy but one who’s a little better at the game than the last one was! The game is about how to lose your instinct. Her whole life has been “it can’t not be working” so I have to keep working. Please tell me it’s my fault so I have the power to fix it by myself without having to depend on him to fix anything because he’s not going to anyway. Why should he? He imagines the marriage is meeting his needs at eight or above on a ten scale. I’m at a two or three. He doesn’t ask what I think and, if I told him, he’d try to argue me out of my own experience.

Then you live the lie. You teach lie to the next generation to do the same your putting up with it and by your living it.

God gave women five days a month to get real with them selves. That’s the only time your hormones are working…when you think they’re not!

I didn’t know I could fall in love for another time…at least in part because I forgot how to love myself.

I have to walk through the fear and live my life. I have to walk away from things that don’t work. The stuff that doesn’t work, doesn’t work. I’ve got to be strong enough to get rid of the stuff that makes me weak.

I gotta get me back…again…for the first time.

And I’m doing it! Like Pandora, I’m opening the box! When the real Pandora opened the box the second time, she released Hope to the world. That’s what I’m doing by taking the time to hear what I’m saying…to see what I’m living…and to do something about it.